Dating ADD/Depression/Anxiety People

Posted on by DaisyVine
My last boyfriend was 50 years old and undiagnosed with mental issues. I left over 2.5 years ago and treatment had been going a year at that point with counseling and medication. They had diagnosed him with ADD, depression and anxiety but had others they wanted to test as they saw how the medication reacted.
I had written the following as a self care tool knowing I could never send. I didnt feel the need to even edit before posting. Its a very good description on how their brain processes and can even be used in normal relationships since leaving is never easy no matter the situation. I counsel many to stay strong and not respond in these situations when its best for both to walk away quietly. I have never said its easy as you can read below.
“I thought I had to mourn and be sad and angry about the loss of our relationship and you not in my life now. I then felt bad and heartless that I wasn’t really feeling these things. I have come to the realization that I went thru all of these emotions multiple times while with you and have processed them all almost completely before even ending things.
The stress and knot in my stomach and the feeling of something unfinished or missing comes back when I have to interact with you in any way that’s causing you to be all over the map emotionally. I have realized and processed tonight in yoga class that this is why I had to leave and not that there is now something missing or a loss. I am at peace all the other times and slowly getting used to that again.
I am missing relationship aspects that you were never able to even provide and someone to lean on when I rarely could rely on you to be there for me. You were all consumed in your own darkness that you don’t even know you weren’t there for me.
I have been on my own and alone for the last 15 months of our 19 month relationship except it was worse than that since I was also taking care of you. I had to talk you off the ledge almost daily for the first at least 3 months just for starters. You don’t remember the things you said to me and the names you called me and yet I never called you names or said anything I regret in anger.
I am at peace now and taking care of me. It’s the 2nd hardest thing I have done since leaving my step kids which will always be number one. The sad thing now for me that still adds to everything is having to hurt you over and over because you don’t even understand how we got to this place. Having to ignore your texts and pleads and cute loving things is actively knowing it’s hurting you again everytime. Unfortunately these are the very things that would of kept me but you were incapable and fought it every step of the way.
There’s nothing I can say to help you understand. I just keep praying you get there with counseling and stability of your meds and follow thru with doctors and prayer. It must be such a confusing place to be inside your head with this process missing.
I have to keep ignoring your texts and emails for us both. I hope one day you have the full understanding of what happened.
I will always care for you but not with you.
Love Michelle”
It can be hard to be the strong one but that doesnt mean you have to be strong and stay for that person. Sometimes its being strong enough to know when its over for the both of you.

Dating Interracially

Posted on by DaisyVine

I was recently asked to give feedback of reasons I only or prefer dating interracially. I wasnt quite sure which way to think about this question. I decided to write it down here to see what my thoughts look like on paper.

For reasons I am not sure, I have been approached only by black guys in the past 2 years. I have dated and married other races and am attracted to different races. My reasons I will list are by no means all encompassing that entire race but merely the majority I have encountered.

I have come to appreciate and enjoy the forward, no fear approach black men have embraced. It tends to be subtle and respectful. They are more straight forward with what they want and what they like which is very refreshing. I have been told I can be intimidating which only tells me those are the ones I dont have time for anymore in life. I need strength in the other person to be equal or surpass my own so when I need to lean on someone they can support me. I have found this with them in ways I had not seen in other races.

There are definite benefits in the bedroom but not just limited to the stereotype of size, which in most cases is true. The strength to voice what they want is very sexy and even if we are not on the same page the respect is given for boundaries. No fear of being too out there or not enough and still voicing, where other races are more timid and afraid of the response they may get in return in my experience. The stamina is across age ranges and the older the better surprisingly and along with knowing what to do to please and adjusting as we go definitely stands out. Some think its a one stop shop and get offended when things dont work instead of understanding we all have different likes and needs where trial and error sometimes is part of the fun.

The passion that is given regardless of the casual or relationship status is something I had not experienced with other races generally. They are so into the moment that you feel so special and sexy which makes everything feel better all around.

In my experience I have now opted to chose black because of the above reasons although not locked in, only a preference.

Recap 2018

Posted on by DaisyVine

The holiday season brings up many emotions for people either good or bad. This time of year can bring them intensely which can be hard to sort and distinguish. I have had quite a bit this year and has been challenging. All my counseling over the years has really helped by using the tools they taught me and making me empowered to work thru everything.

I was part of layoffs at my job in June and had a tough time staying positive sometimes but just focused on my passion by getting my certifications in Personal Training, Nutrition and Life Coaching. I also got my website up and started with plenty more to continuously add at  https://michelle.fitness/. I have good friends who supported me when I had questions on which direction to take with the best way to handle my finances and job offers. I was very thankful to find a wonderful new job with more pay in a great industry, oil and gas. The people are wonderful and so nice and my boss and immediate coworkers are great and fun to work with everyday. Those are so much more important than the pay sometimes.

Towards the end of my unemployment my dad passed away August 20th. There are mixed emotions about this as I didn’t have a relationship with him at that point. I had expressed my feelings to him explaining my reasons in July of last year. I am sad of course but there was a surprising relief that has not changed. Now my mom asks and needs my help and it can be hard sometimes to be there after our history. We will see where this journey brings us now for the future. I know this isn’t how you are supposed to feel in this situation and it has been hard to admit but I know im not alone with having “unnatural” reactions and feelings to situations. I feel like I should share to help someone else.

It has really opened my eyes even more to how much greater my freedom really is in life. Life is not guaranteed and so what is it you really want out of life? What is holding you back and why? Sometimes we hold back because of lack of acceptance from society or even our friends. Other times its fear of failure or embarrassment if things don’t work out accordingly. Stigmas society and our friends have placed on us can be very limiting without us even knowing and realizing. I have 2 amazingly accepting best girlfriends and a few other girlfriends that I can be open and honest with no judgement. This is a rare thing that you should hold on to when you find them in your life.

We are so careful not to hurt peoples feelings or put ourselves out there too much for fear of seeming bitchy or egotistical or selfish. Well if we aren’t standing up for ourselves then who will in this life? There are definite boundaries that are crossed that are unnecessary in this journey but only you know where those are for your situations. Sometimes its ok to appear as the above mentioned names because there are people that will be jealous or hateful because of their own shortcomings. This is not your concern, its their journey to be accountable.

Finding someone to help navigate with your journey can be helpful. If you don’t have that someone in your life I am here to help with any journey, from finances to career and even relationships of any kind. I have been there and have helped others as well with the options each direction can take so you can make a decision with eyes wide open. No one should tell you what to do but talking about and knowing the options of each choice is empowering.

I will go into more detail about my dad in a later blog when I am ready.