Fear

I started this blog as a means to heal but ended up in fear of anyone finding it and left out names and details that were much needed to actually heal. I also didn’t write much for the same fear. Fear can come in many forms. I had made this blog anonymous so if it was found people would not know it was me. The judgement people put on survivors is unreal. We are made out to be weak and victims and maybe we even did or said something to deserve it because I have heard them all. Its a very vulnerable place to reveal you are a survivor especially when you start revealing details.

I left out details and names in the previous posts for that reason and because I did not want to call out and reveal the people involved including my parents. I have had other life events come my way which will eventually be covered in future posts that have helped me overcome this fear. People have also come into my life that have helped me see the fear as the reality it is instead of the built up monster in my head.

It has taken many hours of counseling and some painstakingly difficult inner searching and acceptance of myself and what I had become to even get to the point to start “re-programming” of sorts as I refer to myself. I didn’t learn a healthy relationship from my parents nor the family I closely grew up around and so to come out of counseling also means to relearn how to be healthy when you didn’t know what that meant from the beginning.